What Goes Around…

I am most happy for your progress with mother. There is no thing such as a small step. All steps are to be a celebration in life.

Take time for your scattered thoughts my friend.

Empath can seem so large a burden. Sometimes the need to shut self away is almost as a survival instinct. My humble suggestion is learn more to direct the feelings thrust upon self to another direction. Turn mothers negativity into a positive thing such as your so beautiful art for one example. Look upon it as a gift of opportunity to change it into something most lovely.

I write this small spell for you to use if so felt it needed.

I am goddess of my life.
I am keeper of my emotions.
Inside me dwells majic to turn
the negative into any beautiful thing I choose.
I accept this power and the belief that one day
I will only feel and see the beauty of those around me.
As I will so mote it be.

I am rejoicing in the warmth after the cold. I love rain storms and we have had our share this spring and now the summer that is upon us. It is a busy time and I feel good to be alive to enjoy once again. I am grateful not to be flooded and pray for those who are.

I look forward to your mail.

Your fuzzy friend.

  And I do mean scattered.

Being empathic sucks…most of the time anyway.  When too much is going on I tend to withdraw and stay away from anyone that I don’t absolutely have to be around.  Lately some of the people around me have gotten out of control…and this time I’m not refering to my mother. :D 

Anyway, it overwhelms me and I have to escape as much of it as I can in order to handle the rest.

My mother is always out of hand, but I’ve been taking your advice my fuzzy friend..and things are much better.  I stopped trying to fight her and now I try to turn a deaf ear to her insults and insinuations…and I try really hard to not take offense.   I’m still trying to learn how to turn off the vibes I get from her…the awful negativity.  Any ideas that would help?  Lately I have tried grounding myself before I talk to her…sometimes that works…but most importantly I’ve stopped feeling negative towards her and with that out of the way I understand more than I used to.

Look for a private email Fuzzy… 

This is of great concern for you. I feel heaviness in your words as written. We shall talk of what is dysfunctional. No family is without dysfunction. No family is as one in this life. To be as one is for higher vibration in the yet to come. When dwelling on what we see as not being in function we do miss the right of things. If there is a lesson to learn it is the willingness to let family be who they are with all faults. Maybe you are not yet ready to give this gift to family. You have been much hurt there and in need of letting go of the burden of it. You look within self and ask the why of things. Sometimes there is no answer to the why because we are not ready to hear. When you are ready you will hear and the burden will be no more in this matter.

There is much fear of the dying and of the living for your mother. She feels there is no time to wait for what she needs. The need for her to be both mother and child is great. The need to feel useful is great. The wishing to be with family that has passed is great. The need of family that is left is great.

I have spoken before of mother and what I saw but was not to understand as I did not fully look at the why of it. I told you mother was as mother to her mother just as you must be mother to yours. You spoke of your mother caring for her mother when ill. I feel this is not the whole of what I saw. I feel this is more of the need for you to be mother. Try now to be child. There is much pain for you to be child of your mother but this must be done for healing of self in this life or or lives to come. You must let mother be mother to you. This is why she is mother to you in this life. You must be daughter to her. It is why you are daughter to her in this life. I feel the confusion is on the changing of it. You can not change mother. You can not change family. You can run from same but will come full circle even later. Give to family what you wish for yourself from them. Give to mother her daughter. You will find the change in self will change your world.

You must demand treatment of respect by giving same back times three. Ego will fight this but self must win to be whole.

We are here one for the other and I am glad I did find this place.

I wish for you peace
Your fuzzy friend.

   testing

Any problems?  Let me know. 

  Glad to hear that the weather is improving in your part of the world.

The rain did stop here for now..the temp has been great…in the upper 70s.  I just hope it doesn’t go back to the storms and constant rain.  I do like the rain…just not when it is cold and depressing.   I did put the hummingbird feeder up..I have 2 that are coming regularly but  all the other beautiful birds are coming to visit now too.  The crows are back..and some of the biggest I’ve seen in a long while.  The redbirds (cardinals) are the brightest red this year..even the females are beautiful.   :D

 Thanks so much for the compliment on my art.  You are very kind.  I’m adding the link to the e-zine cover on the Announcements page.

Once again you have seen what the problem or situation is pretty accurately.  My oldest son’s father disowned him when he got into trouble at an early age…but before he did that he filled his head with so many things that had no business being in the head of a child.  I did everything I could to help him when he was growing up…even though I could not find him from the time he was 7 yrs old until he was around 11…his father kept him and his brother hidden from me thinking I would come back to him if I couldn’t see my children.  He was abusive and if I had gone back I’m afraid someone would have gone to prison…   I got custody of him when he was 13 and that continued a round of juvenile offenses and drug use that didn’t end until he was a grown man.  He sometimes still struggles between the drugs and walking the straight and narrow road of serving his God.  I stood behind him and did my best to support him for years until he became so abusive toward me that I had to start standing up to him to put a stop to it.  He still does it when he is around more than a day and that’s why the last little blow up…when I stood up to him he just needed to go somewhere else to regain his power and control his own situation.   When he washed his hands of me that was his way of regaining his power and controlling the situation.  He will be back again one day.  He always comes back and apologizes.  I’ve told him many times that he is my son and I love him no matter what he says to me..but just because he is my son and I do love him…doesn’t mean that I will put up with his behavior.  Some day maybe he will accept that for what it is and not insist that I’m an evil person for living my own life. 

My biggest and more immediate problem right now is my mother.  I’ve tried very hard with her but nothing I say or do makes any difference.  She simply doesn’t like me.  She’s 85 and I think her mind is getting worse and has been for quite a while..the last couple of years I can really tell a difference.  The problem is..she lives in the same apt. complex I live in..just one building away.  The apt buildings here are each  one story and hold 4 apts.  She calls almost every day and I don’t go to her apt. anymore…just talk to her on the phone.  No matter what we talk about she gets a whole story made up in her head and when she retells it..she has changed it to how she imagines it.  The reason I know this is because she calls me back the next day or so and repeats it to me like she had the conversation with someone else..and somehow I was in it..  :D    Many times she repeats the same story to me that she has already told me..only the outcome keeps changing..and when it changes it is always to make it seem that people are picking on her or they are out to get her…most usually her neighbors.   I know its common for older people to repeat themselves…hell I do it myself…lol   But I don’t think its usual to keep changing the outcome is it?   I don’t want to stop talking to her because I do worry about something happening..although she has one of those life alert systems installed for emergency..and she gets around fine and still drives her car all over town…so it isn’t like she’s helpless…except in her mind.  My aunt says she lives in her own world..and maybe she does.  I tried to tell her about my art being chosen as the cover art for the e-zine and her answer was..”oh, I don’t care about that” and then she just changed the subject and started talking about something else…and yes, it did hurt my feelings…but not for long because I know that she really didn’t care about it…lol   and you can’t fault someone for being honest..and it isn’t a crime to be rude.

If you have any insight into this..I’d be greatful to hear it.  I’m about at the end of reasoning with it.  Sometimes she calls and just yells at me and accuses me of things that I’m not even sure where she gets them from.  Its like she takes a few words and imagines that something happened or was said that never did.  She starts off being friendly and nice and just one little word from me that hits her the wrong way and she starts accusing me of doing all the things that she is doing.  The problem is..I never know what will set her off…it could be as simple as trying to tell her where something is or what I read in the paper last week.   I can’t tell anyone else in the family because I’ve tried and they either don’t care…or they think I’m just complaining for no reason or because we had a disagreement.  Did I ever tell you how dysfunctional the family was?  I did…I know I did..lol  I just am not sure what lesson I’m supposed to learn from being born into this family…or maybe there is no lesson. 

Bet you are sorry you ever found this blog….lol

I’m glad you are my fuzzy friend…Be happy and enjoy the beauty of the season.